To Grandma...

Thanks for all the childhood memories you've given me.

May you rest in peace. We will always remember you.

Signed off,

Kelvin.

I am so....

I am so busy, this blog collected dust...

I am so clumsy, I trip myself wearing rubber shoes...

I am so preoccupied, I couldn't notice a fight in front of my eyes...

I am so impatient and hotheaded, my scalp hurts from all the hair-pulling...

I am so careless, I bang on pillars while walking...

I am so stressed, my face is practically made of pimples...

I am so blur, I didn't notice my physical scars till I shower...

I am so dumb, I push a door that is labelled 'pull'...

I am so vain, my mirror cracked...

I am so dry, my skin peel like snakes...

I am so picky, I end up making no decisions at all...

I am so frustrated, smokes from my head contributed to the pollution...

I am so eerie, people thinks I am Ju-on with my hair down...

I am so restless, I slept at 3 A.M. ...

I am so unsatisfied, my friends had earplugs and magazines when I complain...

I am so weak physically, the sun gives me fever...

I am so weak emotionally, wounds cut deep down my heart...

I am so push-over-ish, 'no' is in the last page of my dictionary...

I am so evil, I listen to satanic songs...

I am so retarded, I qualify for the Special Olympics...

I am so dumbfounded, I have no idea what I am doing now...

I once prayed for a life, and I got it, just the wrong one.

I need a new life, and somehow, I can't get it on my own. I need help. Badly.

Ahhhhhhhhh.... stress. LOL.

Signed off,

Kelvin.

Please Understand That...

1) I'm not an item. I'm not something you can use when you want and throw away when not needed. I'm not something you use to release anger. Wanna scream? Go scream into a pillow.

2) I'm not a tool. I'm not something you use to achieve what you want. I'm not something that you use to gain pride.

3) I'm not a robot. I only have 2 legs and 2 hands. I sometimes multitask, but not 10~15 tasks at one time. And no, I don't have photographic memory. If I can' remember something its not my fault, its human nature.

4) I'm not a peacemaker. I don't like meddling into other peoples lives if I don't need to. Whatever you create you solve it.

5) I have feelings. I'm not something you can humiliate whenever you want to. I'm not someone you can frame and get away with it. I'm not someone you can scold whenever you are down or gloomy.

6) I have my own things to do. STPM is just around the corner, I don't really have much time left to settle the little little things you felt lazy to deal with. I have my own errands to do too.

7) I have my pride. I'm not someone you can use as a joke when you try to make your friends or relatives laugh. I'm not someone you can scold in front of the whole neighbourhood. I hate it when my hardwork is then used by other people and claimed it as their work.

8) I have my limits. I do not have the patience a Buddha. I may also be short tempered at times. DO NOT PUSH ME. If you cross the line I'll make sure your ass gets kicked till you land on the torch of Statue Of Liberty.

9) I'm not Superman. I can't break through walls, stop time, fly, travel in the speed of light, nor I have the brain of Einstein. STOP asking me to do things that are clearly impossible for me to do. If you need help on how to do something, ask other people who KNOWS how to do it or get your lazy ass into the internet and type G-O-O-G-L-E.

I don't need any more liquid flowing off my eyes, thank you very much.

My life is friggin' messed up.

Signed off,

Teng Aun.

Make A Choice, A Right One, That Is

People make choices, wrong ones and right ones.

People make decisions, wise ones and bad ones.

Whatever you do, do you realise that it could potentially hurt the ones close to you?

Friend/family or money. Make a choice.

In my previous posts I've already stated that I lost a friend thanks to this powerful item. It hurts me, but still, I'm glad I get to see his true face before anything worse happens. The only problem is that I don't think he realises he actually hurt someone.

Most of you I presume (and you guys BETTER be), would opt for friends. Thats is what usually thrown on us when we ask this question. But please, ask your self deep deep inside, if things changed, will you feel the same way? Would you betray someone close to you, helping you and taking care of your needs just to satisfy your greed for more money?

Friend/family or celebrity. Make a choice.

This is probably one of the questions many people would hesitate. Basically I've experienced this myself. A person may be saying how he acknowledges his friends, but when it comes to chances of meeting a celebrity, things changed.

Seriously, whats so great about meeting a celebrity?

Will s/he have a conversation with you? NO!

Will s/he hang out with you? NO!

Will s/he even bother you when a huge crowd is around? NO!

Will s/he help you in your needs? NO!

Will s/he even notice you that time....? I guess the answer is pretty clear.

I know people who fantasizes celebrity so much they wouldn't care about others, and I know people who suffered thanks to this.

I'm not saying its wrong to idolise someone, but please know your limits. Do not overdo things to the point where everyone else around you leaves. If that happens, I'll give you a clap. After all, its what happens when your true face shows.

Do note that I'm not finger-pointing at anyone, but if you felt guilty or angered by this post, you yourself has admitted the fault. You have admitted the fact that you chose the wrong decision before. Please make an amendment quick.

Making right decisions lead to positive results, and making wrong decisions doesn't necessarily lead to a negative one. As long as you know how to recover, things will turn out well, and might be even better.

So please, think twice before making decisions. It may be beneficial, but please consider about the people around you. I do know sometimes we have to put these things aside to move on, but not to the extend of hurting everyone till you die alone.

I've known quite a lot of people who are hurt by others thanks to their immaturity and the inability to think about other people. And to be honest, I've been hurt several times as well.

Do not surrender your dignity and morality for the sins of the world.

Signed off,

Teng Aun.

P.S. I find this font quite annoying, but somethings wrong with other fonts, I can't seem to use them, so I'm stuck with this a while till I figure out whats going wrong.

Breakaway

I have a lot of thoughts. Thoughts, that may be, or may not be reality.

I've always dreamed my life to be adventurous, travelling from state to state, country to country, planet to planet, and henceforth...

I've always dreamed myself in a world of magic, just like those Harry Potter series, or even better. Being in a world able to cast magic in a flick of a finger, thats actually pretty cool. Being able to teleport everywhere in a blink of an eye, being able to heal wounds without medication, being able to burn your enemies and most importantly, fly...

I've always dreamed myself living in a virtual world where everything is so simple, like The Sims or Harvest Moon. If finding a job, relationship, apartment/house, making friends and even opening a conversation to other strangers so so so easily, I would give up everything I have now for it... Okay, maybe that was insane, but a life as a farmer, planting crops, selling crops, helping your neighbourhood village, running free in your farm and build your own family... Ahhh... what bliss...

I've always dreamed myself as a warrior (even when I know its impossible with my physical capability...) on a very LOOOOOOOOOOONG long quest, fighting dragons, monsters, recruiting members into the team, saving a princess, mastering new skills, travel across the sea and henceforth. As short, its nice to be a main character in an RPG game, seriously. Got slashed, scratched or kicked by your enemy, and still standing. No blood, no wound, no injury. Just scream OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUCCCCCHHHHHHHH and when a person heals you with magic, you're cured.

Okay, enough about these virtual reality nonsense, now its back to this cruel world;

I've always dreamed about living near the sea or a river, with a small patch of soil for plantation, and a small hut to live in. When I am hungry, I would just walk to my garden and luck some vegetables. When I need meat, I'll just catch some fish. Yes, to all of you readers who are laughing your ass off right now, I DO fantasize these sort of living, even though some may think this is WAY too much for me to handle. These, actually, is a pretty stress free life.

I've always dreamed about being one of the royalties related by blood, meaning, a prince. I have always wondered what their life is about. Etiquette classes? Polo lessons? Horse-riding practices? And most importantly, how do they manage to adapt into country administration so well? Do they have tutors or a book called How-To-Rule-Your-Country 101? But still, their lives are always a mystery, things that we, normal pitiful citizens see may not reflect their living. I may dream about living among prince and princesses, but I don't really hope to have that kind of life in me.

I've always dreamed about living in another country besides Malaysia, staying in a mini-apartment whereas the bedroom is practically the living room, and have a job that is enough to cover all my expanses and perhaps some pocket money and savings.

I've always dreamed about living the life our far ancestors do. Hunting own food, planting own vegetables, raising own animals, and henceforth. If that were to be true, I would not be so physically unavailable in most sports. I would be able to run miles and miles and miles and not break a sweat. I would be able to lift boulders that are 50 times beyond my capability. I would be able to experience a WHOLE lot more than the 'stuck-on-normal-daily-routine' life I'm having right now.

Oh why, oh why, am I here in this time?

Oh why, oh why, am I here in this place?

Oh why, oh why, am I here in this state?

Being stuck on the boring daily routine and being forced into taking the VERY LIMITED TO NONE option-ed education system, not being able to know what I wanna do in the future, exposed to the world of betrayal and back-stabbers, being used over and over again... Seriously, life sucks.

If only the administrator of the after-life would give me a choice for my next life, I would be SOO happy...

Right now, I'd like to pray that I dream of myself being in a virtual world as I described above, be it a warrior, a farmer, or a magician, and never wake up...

Signed off,

Teng Aun.

Sorrows Of June

Sigh, another month I wish not to remember of... Just when I thought I finally could have some fine moments, these sorrows had to come and affect most of us. Not to mention it had taken it to another level, not just any ordinary fight or regretfulness...

1st of all, I would like to give my deepest condolences to Loh Chee Woon for losing a great family member, his mother...

I was shocked to receive this news, as he seemed fine days before. I may not be too sure what really happened, but I am hoping you would stay strong and move on. I may not know and have not met your mother before, but I do know that she would not want you to be sad...

All I can say is, stay strong, work hard, and make your mother proud. Your friends and I will be there for you all the time when you need us.

Also, to everyone out there, please, I urge to you, tell your family members about your condition or health, not matter good or bad. You may not want to worry them, but telling them at the very late moment would only hurt them deeper...

Also, I would like to reach out my condolences to the McKinney family, as Anya Michelle Li-En McKinney went with the Lord at 30th June 2010...

Anya,

I would always remember you as the loud 11-year-old kid who brought smiles and cheers to everyone in the Survival Camp, even to us counselors...

(Anya is the one with the green shirt)

I just received the news today, and I was truly shocked by it. It is hard to believe such a cheerful and joyous girl is now with the Lord....

Anya... please reach out to your family members, who are now in deep sorrow over this matter, and give them strength, give them the ability to overcome this obstacle... Your family misses you, and so will everyone in the Survival Camp, including us counselors...

Everyone, please cherish every moment of life. It may be joyous or suffering, but it is still our precious moments that would not repeat again. We may not know what is put in front of us, what obstacle must we overcome or what hardship we have to go through.

Please, live your life to the very best, in every aspect... Life is short, or long, we will not know...

Signed off,

Teng Aun,